today is the day

indeed it is.

it's been such a difficult week leading up to this point. my grandfather passed away on sunday. it was an awful experience watching his rapid demise during the last few days, although it's somewhat comfortable to know that he was comfortable and his family were always by his side.

it's now less than an hour until my admission time, my bag isn't packed, i haven't had a shower yet and i'm blaming my procrastination on my hesitation for what's in store today.

i will post again after it's all over...until then.

old dog, new tricks

so as they say, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. i'm hoping they are wrong.

i know it's been a while between this blog and my last, so just briefly to update you of how 2010 finishing up: i got married last april in the registry, and finally got around to planning the 'proper' wedding in november.

it was fabulous.

i'm still working 3 days a week managing a store, and waiting for uni to start again, when i will resume my full time study of psychology.

on my last update i mentioned i was going to embark on a brand new health quest. well that didn't exactly work out as i'd planned, and neither did anything else i tried during last year. so i've made the decision to do something a little more drastic about it. a little more permanent.

in just over a week i'll be in hospital having my vsg - vertical sleeve gastrectomy - completed. it's a weight loss operation, similar to lap band, however with this they remove 2/3rd's of your stomach, including an area that secrets a hormone responsible for hunger. unlike lap band which is removable, this is permanent. and i am seriously shit scared.

i don't think it's the surgery itself that's scaring me. it's the entire lifestyle change. i'm not one of these fat people who eats buckets of kfc, or ice cream with m&m's and chocolate fudge. i'm someone who really does love food. good food. and perhaps just a little too much of it. i like nothing more than to go out to lunch or dinner at somewhere fabulous. and while i know that's still possible after my surgery, it wont be the same.

i've been googling 'second thoughts' or 'regrets' in relation to the surgery and there have been few, if not any. some posts mention the first couple of weeks being difficult, which i expect. but when i read about the massive amounts of change - weight wise, confidence wise, comfort wise - i can't help but want that for me too.

anyhow i will definitely try to keep this updated a little more. i will also add up a recent photo and weight soon before the operation.

until next time...

procrastination

i'm the queen of it.

i'm supposed to be up doing an assignment (that's due today) and i have to get up early to take my niece to school and stay there for an hour with a classroom full on 6 and 7 year old children to parent help, yet i decide to update my dwindling blog.

the year so far has been amazing. absolutely amazing. so many different experiences and occurances. i believe i've truly found the right path to be on, and with the right person and people to be on it with.

uni is almost over for the year - thank god. i'm looking forward to getting into 2nd year stuff. i might pass the time during the next few months off with some french or arabic classes. i'd say the french would be more useful as i'm going to france in about 4 months!

i will have to kick off my exercise/healthy eating regime the day after i finish exams. i aim to go from the 5th of june to the 5th of september - almost like a personal biggest loser. i'm not looking to do anything drastic, as i'm pretty happy the way i am. i'd just like to increase my fitness, and figured now would be a good time as i only have to work part time.

anyhow i probably should get back to finishing off my school work. it's pouring with rain outside, and there's nothing better than falling asleep whilst listening to the rain...

lazy

my god i'm lazy...

i always forget about things, such as this blog. or forget to do things. i wonder what i'll be like if/when i get to 80.

so the time between last blog and this has been rather lovely. big things are happening - some i can disclose, some i cannot (i can't keep secrets very well, so we'll see about the latter)

i've returned to study and have changed my major from it (boring) to psychology (fabulous). it's so interesting and i love it. the slightly sad thing about it is that it makes me think i should have done this years ago, as psychology was one of my preferences when picking my year 11 and 12 subjects. oh well...i've had a pretty good time (most of the time!) between then and now, so it's not so bad.

my lovely cousin in new york asked me to be her bridesmaid in september, which is a great honour indeed. no trip to new york can be complete without a side trip to paris and london, can it? might even add montreal into the mix too. the shame is that the significant other speaks fluent french, so his linguistic talents would come in handy in both paris and montreal (and also someone to carry my shopping bags...)

i spent most of my last trip to europe with my camera in my hand, and this time with all the architectural delights in store, i am gearing up to do the same. instead this time i think i'll take my beloved dslr. i'm thinking of getting some lessons beforehand so that i can learn how to use it properly, not just the point-and-shoot/learn as you go method i've been using.

anyhow, i better get back to work. need to tone down this halloween-esque makeup i've applied today to a more suitable level for tonight.

au revoir/see ya/cheerio.

new

happy new year, happy new decade, happy new life (if yours wasn't happy enough already).

everything is shiny and new this year and it feels fabulous. work is wonderful, study is hopefully going to be equally wonderful, friends and family are wonderful, and this year has started out much more rosy than the last.

dare i say it, but my life almost does seem fabulously fabulous at the moment...

i'm off to go knock on wood and get some work done.

cough

i'm sick...

i stupidly jinxed myself (and am stupid enough to believe in jinxes) and said that i hadn't been sick in ages. now i've been struck down with the throat infection from hell, and over the weekend too. how wonderful!

the couch was starting to get rather boring after spending the past 3 days on it, so i decided it would be a good idea to reacquaint myself with my (once again) forgotten blog.

i can't believe it's already nearly december. the end of another year is almost upon us. i for one am very, very pleased to bid farewell to this year, as it certainly hasn't been my best. the end of this november will signal many things in my life - the countdown to christmas and the one of many present buying lists; the preparation for not one but two weddings on the same day, both of which i must attend and one of which i must participate; the lead up to 2010, also known as the year i plan to do things; and six months since we met.

exciting times ahead my friends. and hopefully i'll be diligent enough to write about it on here.

phew

for a minute there i lost myself...

(and those of you who are fans of radiohead as i will understand what i mean)

yes, it's been a rather long break since my last blog adventure. over five months. it's hard to actually sum up what i've been doing in that time, as it's not incredibly interesting. i guess the perfect place to start is to explain what was going on in my head when i was writing those blogs, and during that period in my fabulously fabulous life.

it's almost needless to say that i was suffering from depression whilst publishing my previous blog entries. the technical term for my illness was a 'major depressive episode'. i had assumed at the time my episode had begun around late december, but upon reflection i believe the trigger was coming back from my holiday in italy at the end of october last year to realise that i had been living the wrong life, that everything that i thought was a constant was utterly and totally wrong for me.

my healing took me a good six-nine long months, during which there were times i didn't understand why things were taking so long, and why i couldn't just wake up feeling better and back to my old self of several years prior. i don't have anything against depression medication, nor against the people who take it, but i was adamant i wanted to do this all my own. i wanted to be the key to my happiness. i wanted to fix myself. and eventually, i did, with the assistance of a supportive family and friend network, as well as some professional care. as mentioned, i was seeing a psychologist and councellor. i credit them both as the driving forces in the restoration of my mental health, and the return of my (for lack of a better word) sanity.

looking back and re-reading this almost forgotten blog is a real journey for me. even though i wrote the entries, experienced the emotions, and lived all the incidents that i wrote of, it's as if i was out of my real life, my body, and possibly my mind. everything in my life at that time was subject to a 'snowball effect' - it started with something relatively small just snowballed and took every single minuscule incident with it, making everything out to be so much bigger and worse than they really were.

i am very pleased to say that i am well and truly cured, have weathered the storm so to speak, and have allowed the 'episode' to run it's course and come to a conclusion. i feel incredible now, empowered, and am very happy within myself. it's as if i have erased all the negativity i experienced from almost two years ago, and am back to the point just before it all started to go wrong and become very complicated.

only this time i'm stronger, wiser and happier.